Yes I Can is my Motto Despite PD!

In 2000 I was finishing up my senior year to become a library/teacher specialist. I already had health issues with fibromyalgia and essential tremor.

-Kathy Dunne

My rheumatologist sent me to a neurologist who broke the news that I was now showing definite signs of Parkinson’s. Why, I thought and said to myself over and over. Making the Dean’s List in my senior year I had come so far to achieve a college degree. This cannot be true. They are wrong. I never went back to either of the doctors and pushed the scariness and uncertainty of Parkinson’s in a closet in my mind and locked it up.

Due to my age, I was told I would most likely only be hired by a Native American Reservation school. I did not care and was hoping that would be the case. After sending out several applications I was asked to come to a Native American Reservation school in Northeastern Montana for an interview. I was asked if I would accept a contract. I was excited to find a wonderful place to rent and landlords who were amazing. However, my daughter who had been visiting my oldest daughter for the summer, returned to our new home and the first thing she said was “where did you bring us!”

It was true that the wide-open prairies, constant wind, lack of mountains, and a town that was a different world than the city we had just left after four years was now going to be home. This would be my home for the rest of my life, and I would teach until I dropped or was gently shoved out the door. I was so happy and loved the children who were so full of life, and they gave me the energy each day to push any symptoms or discomfort back in that deep dark closet. I paid attention to the native customs and hoped that I would teach them as much as I learned from them.

Through the internet I met Michael, a horse rancher and we both were looking for a pen-pal only. After a few months he drove 180 miles to take me on a date. We had a precious nine years together in our long-distance relationship. Michael became ill and my weekends, holidays, and summer trips to his home helped to care for him, a lot of cleaning and house chores, helping care for the horses, and fence mending duties. Sometimes it took all I had to get it done with the Parkinson’s monster surrounding me.

One weekend I was so tired I told Michael I was not feeling well. I felt bad and so guilty that I told my aide that I hoped he would not pass while I was not there. I was shaken to my soul and my heart hurt as I received a call, Michael was found on the kitchen floor deceased. Father in Heaven, I should have been there as guilt enveloped me! Parkinson’s, I HATE YOU!

I stayed another year before loneliness and missing family convinced me to move back to Washington State. It was a difficult decision as I wanted to show I could live and function on my own. I wanted to stay where I was forever! It had been almost ten years since Parkinson’s was mentioned. After the move I tried twice to obtain my Washington accreditation to teach. It was a nightmare as I failed both tests.

My mind would wander, I was seeing double vision, I could not concentrate. Why was this happening? I knew the material and there was no reason to fail as I had even studied to make sure I was ready. I was able to qualify as a substitute, but I knew how it was in a classroom when the regular teacher was gone. Having my own class was like being a mother hen caring for her own hatchlings! There was an opening at a private preschool close by where I lived. I was hired and my position was with two-year olds.

I had a difficult time lowering my teaching level of thinking but was a teacher for two years. I enjoyed it even though I could feel it taking a toll on me lifting the kids, sitting on the floor and trying to get up and then forgetting things I should not such as the procedures for all the safety drills schools have had to implement now in society for the safety of the students. I felt I was becoming a safety issue for the children. It had become apparent that I needed to ease my workload.

I was afraid of being let go due to my declining performance as a classroom teacher. I talked with the owners and coordinator but did not mention the possibility of me possibly having Parkinson’s. They did not want me to leave and created a position as a librarian where I would go from class to class reading stories and I was excited as I could still teach through the stories and songs. I would also step in for teachers and aides for their breaks.

My poor attendance was becoming noticeable, and my mind could not remember words to songs, a couple teachers complained I was not holding the book up as I read to the class, and another would not let me help in areas where cutting was involved as my tremors made it hard to cut straight. I became flustered with lots of crying when I was alone and no longer left work happy and tired. Parkinson’s, I HATE you!! Then came the day I finally went to a neurologist. After several visits he diagnosed me with Parkinson’s.

I was devastated that the lock on that deep dark closet I had hidden Parkinson’s in for so long was now open and Parkinson’s was going to rule me and anything I tried to do. My employers were understanding and even lessened my work hours. But the complaints from some teachers and the disabilities becoming very evident had robbed me of all the joy in my position. The last day I was trying to turn the page of a book I was reading while holding it up. A little red-head boy sitting amongst the students said the sweetest words of encouragement that I still hold dear to my heart. He said, “Its okay Ms. Kathy, you can do it!” His face was so full of concern and encouragement. I will never forget him.

I was accepted on my first try for disability due to my cognitive and physical limitations. It took about 2-3 years before I finally snapped out of the depression and feeling useless. I took an old lesson plan I used on the reservation that the students loved when we were doing a geography unit. I had begun writing a book while sitting near Michael so I could watch him. Finding the notes, I wrote a fantasy adventure book. It has actual places found on each continent along with legends and folklore characters. My editor said she enjoyed the book, and it was “teachy without being preachy.”

I found a small publisher and it is going through the hoops of traditional publishing. It should be out in a few months. This is not exactly the way I wanted to try and teach and interact with students, but it is how it must be. The neurologist said I would be in a wheelchair within five years. That was ten years ago. Walks with my dog a few times a day and staying active with constructive puttering have prevented the wheelchair.

I can feel the physical issues creeping up but still try and stay ahead of them, but I think back to that little red-head boy and to this day I can see his expression clearly. “Its okay Ms. Kathy you can do it!” My reply to him now is YES, I CAN!

Kathy Dunne - Parkinson's began in 2000 and through constant movement I am still able to live on my own. I find keeping a positive outlook and concentrating on my writing help me. I use humor as much as I can as does my family as they understand I do not want to see gloom and doom faces. I am blessed in that I consider my Parkinson's slow moving. I am having balance issue and my spelling is not the best any longer but thank Heavens for spell check. I have been rescuing senior dogs as we walk about the same speed. I am loving my life.